Trail and Error



I am diving deeper today. I made decisions that I know are the beginning of a new chapter. I am clutching and crushing the hands of the 14-year-old girl who dreamed these dreams and asking her for strength.

I feel scared. I feel excited. I feel vulnerable. I feel invincible. My heart feels like it wants to cower behind my brain and wants to beat its drums in resolution at the same time.

The sad reality?
I feel alive but also wait for the other shoe to drop.
Am I too happy to be practical?
Is this a scam? Is this a  rose-tinted window?

I am waiting for something to go wrong. For something to prove to me that this can't be real. That these steps were wrong.
Here is what I find helpful when doubt stands over hope like a judge accusing a victim of a crime without hearing his/her story.
Before the gavel sounds, reduce the brightness. 
Find your calm.
Understand why you're doing this.
Is it a step towards or a step away?
Don't be hopeful, don't be hopeless.
Find the mid-ground where your dreams are shining out there in the world and still see your reflection in the window with them, just as bright and clear.
Let your dreams fly like wayward paper aeroplanes in a storm, while you stay on the ground making sure they stay that way.


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